How is it that summer can go from feeling so long and daunting to being almost gone?! Teacher friends are already heading back to the classroom to begin putting the rooms together- and that means the start of school is just around the corner.
In today's Tool Box Tuesday- a creative way to introduce yourself and your family to your child's new or even re-introduce to an old team. I wish I could remember who to give credit for for the idea- as it certainly isn't mine, but has been bouncing around in special education circles for as long as I can remember.
We know we all want the very best for our kids- and for the best to start day one, not week three. One way to start on the best foot possible is to introduce your kiddo to your team... in a fun and creative way. IEPs are filled with details and information, but no one would mistake them for a good fun read that gives you a personalized flavor of a child and family.
Consider writing a letter to child's team, from your child's point of view. Depending on the current abilities of your child, they might also participate. Fill the letter with important details about your child that someone who knew him/her would know and that would make your child feel more comfortable in their class and in their relationship with their new team. Favorite color, food, memory. Favorite things to talk about. Sensory things to avoid or increase. Signs that he/she is feeling really comfortable or distressed. Communication strengths. Here is an example-
Dear Miss Smith,
My name is John. I am really excited, and kind of nervous to be starting 1st grade. I look forward to getting to know you - here is a little about me.
-My favorite color is green. When given a choice, it's usually the color I pick and it makes me feel really good. I color with green a lot.
-You'll know I'm feeling really happy and comfortable when my body is moving slow and my hands are calm. If you see me start to move fast, it usually means I need a break. A quick shoulder rub sometimes also helps.
-I really want to make you proud and work hard. Sometimes I have trouble following when you talk. If you write it down for me it makes it much easier for me to listen. I also sometimes need a little extra time to process what you say.
I think this will be a great year and I can't wait to learn new things!
Sincerely,
John
It's a great do no harm strategy in that it can be really helpful, especially at creating a collaborative relationship, and it's also not going to harm anything. While personalizing the letter about/with your child- do keep it to one page.
Next Tool Box Tuesday we'll chat about similar letters written from you, the parent.
"My approach to intervention is rooted in respect for child development and focuses on making the mundane meaningful, looking at daily interactions as opportunities for learning and growth while respecting the uniqueness of the individual and family. It’s about setting high expectations for long term quality of life and relationships for individuals on the spectrum and implementing a specific and doable plan to get there one step at a time.”
– Lauren Wilson, LCSW, RDI® Program Certified Consultant
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Toolbox Tuesday: Foundations for Understanding Behavior
I had the great pleasure of chatting with an old colleague of mine yesterday and we spent some time talking about all our oldies but goodies. The resources, research and perspectives that never go out of style. The perspectives that provide an overarching guide no matter what your focus. As you dive into autism interventions you will find such a variety. No matter the path that works best for your family, the foundational perspectives that guide you have a profound effect on everyone involved.
Over the next few Tool Box Tuesdays, I will be spotlighting the foundational perspectives that my work is rooted in. When I pause to consider what the theme is that runs through them all I see a theme of respect of the individual. And one might think, well gosh, that must be a theme that runs through all foundations. But in my experience consulting with a wide variety of teams, this is not always the case. Respect for the individual begins always with the social work motto of "starting where the person is" and grows from there with learning who the person is, who the person wants to be. Recognizing their strengths and recognizing their right to a developmentally based approach tailored to their unique needs.
And so I've digressed from what I consider one of the foundations to understanding behavior: Kids do well if they can- a motto - and then entire philosophy coined by Dr. Ross Greene. Give the clip a look see below, then we'll discuss a little bit more how this plays out as a foundation.
Over the next few Tool Box Tuesdays, I will be spotlighting the foundational perspectives that my work is rooted in. When I pause to consider what the theme is that runs through them all I see a theme of respect of the individual. And one might think, well gosh, that must be a theme that runs through all foundations. But in my experience consulting with a wide variety of teams, this is not always the case. Respect for the individual begins always with the social work motto of "starting where the person is" and grows from there with learning who the person is, who the person wants to be. Recognizing their strengths and recognizing their right to a developmentally based approach tailored to their unique needs.
And so I've digressed from what I consider one of the foundations to understanding behavior: Kids do well if they can- a motto - and then entire philosophy coined by Dr. Ross Greene. Give the clip a look see below, then we'll discuss a little bit more how this plays out as a foundation.
Alright, "Kids do well if they can" fundamentally different from the foundation of "Kids do well if they wanna". Let's first consider the extremely different roles these two philosophies put us, the adults in. As he says, from a Kids do well if they wanna perspective I'm left with the increased motivation role and explaining the behaviors from a "testing limits", oppositional standpoint. Let's take a moment to consider how this makes us feel. As parents, we've all fallen into the kids do well if they wanna perspective and been left feeling like, "wooo, they are just trying to push my buttons today!". Chances are with that narrative our own level of stress is going to rise and in turn this will impact our response repertoire by limiting it. No matter your parenting philosophy we can never do our best when we feel stressed and targeted.
Kids do well if they can changes the narrative to exploring- what's going wrong here? What skill is missing? What problem is unsolved? Checking in with how well the child slept last night, when the last time they ate was and if they are sick or sensorily dysregulated. It shifts the focus from the personal to the environment and things you can actually do something about. Stress lowers and your repertoire of responses broadens.
Richard Lavoie's FAT City dovetails so nicely with this approach. If you haven't seen it, although the hairstyles are a bit dated, I can't recommend it enough. I wrote a bit about it here: http://guidingfamilies.blogspot.com/2013/03/tuesday-tool-box-support.html
Until next week,
Lauren
Have a topic you'd like me to cover? Just ask. :)
*Dr. Greene has many other wonderful clips that more fully flesh out these ideas, and the Collaborative Problem Solving Approach which I highly recommend http://www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents.
His list of "Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems" can be quite eye opening as well http://www.livesinthebalance.org/paperwork*
Monday, September 2, 2013
The Puzzle of Motivation
I ran across this video about motivation. While the speaker is relating much of the work to business - I found myself relating it quite a bit to the field of autism and education in general. He shares some very interesting research on the myth of the "carrot" helping to motivate. What he finds is that if there is only one right, simple answer, having a big "carrot" or "skittle" will sure help the person do the task quicker. However, if it is a dynamic problem that requires some creative thinking (think ALL social interactions and interpersonal problem solving) having a "carrot" actually decreases creativity and problem solving- because it narrows thinking and robs the individual of seeing the big picture.
As I watched it was yet another validation that the work we do in RDI- so focused on the process of thinking, not the product continues to be on the right track and bore out in research across so many fields.
Best,
Lauren
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Tool Box Tuesday: They'll repeat it- Part 1
So if we know this, we might consider telling them things that are useful. You are what you eat- you also believe and can turn out to be what you hear.
Consider the phrase "good job". Oy, if I had a dollar for every time I've uttered it... and for the times students in turn told me, or themselves "Good job". It's one of those useless phrases that really doesn't help a child identify what is going on that is allowing them to be successful and "earning" them that "good job". It also doesn't really help them think about what is going on... or what to do next time.
Now consider these phrases...
"Wow- you're trying so hard to get that lace through."
"You chose so many different colors."
"Yeah, you really like choosing the red one."
"That must be your favorite."
"It's so much easier when you do it like that."
"Well that worked much better!"
"You never gave up."
"You stuck to it."
If we know children repeat and internalize what we say, aren't be getting much more bang for our buck if what we are saying is something we'd like them to internalize, would like them to repeat to themselves and own?
Next week we'll do Part 2! Thinking more about how we can give kids opportunities to "borrow our brain" and decision making.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Tuesday Tool Box: Spotlight the Problem, not the Solution
“Spotlight the Problem, Not the Solution”
Guides recognize that learning, and from there competence, comes with doing. It comes with struggling, thinking, failing and succeeding. Guides recognize their ability to make the most of regular ole’ interactions when they focus on spotlighting problems rather than solutions.
Bear with me during this illustration. Consider the following two phrases. Imagine them being said to you.
“Pick it up and put it here.”
“This is hard to figure out!”
This is kind of hokey, but literally feel your brain working as each is said. “Pick it up and put it here.” What’s your brain doing? Right, not too much; it’s pretty much basic compliance. A great skill to have no doubt, yet as a guide we know how limiting this can be for real world application.
How about the latter? “This is hard to figure out!” What’s your noggin’ doing now? It’s really trying to work something out. It’s refocusing on the problem, slowing down. It’s doing some dynamic thinking.
Consider the relationship that would grow out of the two phrases. One could perhaps be characterized by a director and actor, ever in need of direction. The other guiding.
Here are a few more examples. Notice how the focus changes from the solution tothe problem and the effect it has on the relationship and what learning and opportunities will happen next.
“Say Hi Daddy”
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“There’s Daddy!”
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“Pick it up.”
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“Oh no!”
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“Sit down.”
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“Circle time.”
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“Try again.”
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“This is just not working.”
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“Good job!”
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“We’re doing it!”
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Providing solutions rob individuals of the chance to make those dynamicproblem solving connections that we so want them to have. Providing solutions can also give a false sense of the true abilities of an individual.
No where was this more evident to me than during an observation of a first grader. It was reported to me that he could independently manage classroom routines and a paraprofessional was probably no longer necessary. In a 3 minute period of my observation I counted how many solutions he was given. I could barely keep up withthe tallies. In three minutes he was given over 40 solutions. “Write your name.” “Erase, you need capitals.” “Push in your chair.” “Go to carpet.” “Cross your legs.” “Raise your hand.” And on and on and on. Many were given within a second of other children performing the action and often repeated more than once. I cringe just remembering, and acknowledging that I was once that solution focused voice on quick repeat.
I offered the paraprofessional a much needed break and sat back and truly observed. The class moved along and he sat falling farther and farther behind. He had no ownership over any of the learning that had been taking place. He had been complying on auto pilot failing to take note of his role in his own actions. Solutions had been given and therefore his dynamic problem solving abilities remained stagnant.
“Spotlight the problem, not the solution.”
After modeling, practice, adjusting work load and figuring out what his unique processing time was, we put this mindset into practice. The goal was no longer for him move along, it was to see his wheels turning; to see him practice dynamic thinking. And think he did.
This change in mindset is big and it is hard to do. When we see someone struggling for a solution our mirror neurons (http://video.pbs.org/video/1615173073) fire rapidly. We literally feel them struggling and are pulled to relieve that tension by providing a solution. And then, seemingly overnight it becomes an automatic response. Before we know it we’re anticipating the problem and providing thesolution before the child even recognizes it. We become the solution managers instead of the opportunity givers, decreasing rather than increasing our child’s ability to function in the world. We wind up doing all the dynamic thinking work for our children who need the most practice at it.
We know that change in possible, and it starts with us, the guides providing an environment where dynamic thinking can thrive. Start by taking time to do… well, nothing. Slow down. Observe your child, you’re looking for their edge of competence and that’s a moving target. What I find most often is that folks are surprised by what problems their child can solve on their own. What competence building moments for our children!
Opportunities (problems) will start to arise. Shoes will be lost. Zippers will get stuck. Play ideas will make one person happy and not the other. Your turn will be skipped. As you slow down you’ll see your child resolve many of them leaving you an opportunity to spotlight their competence. Others will loom larger and you’ll see the solution and want to blurt it out immediately.
No where was this more evident to me than during an observation of a first grader. It was reported to me that he could independently manage classroom routines and a paraprofessional was probably no longer necessary. In a 3 minute period of my observation I counted how many solutions he was given. I could barely keep up withthe tallies. In three minutes he was given over 40 solutions. “Write your name.” “Erase, you need capitals.” “Push in your chair.” “Go to carpet.” “Cross your legs.” “Raise your hand.” And on and on and on. Many were given within a second of other children performing the action and often repeated more than once. I cringe just remembering, and acknowledging that I was once that solution focused voice on quick repeat.
I offered the paraprofessional a much needed break and sat back and truly observed. The class moved along and he sat falling farther and farther behind. He had no ownership over any of the learning that had been taking place. He had been complying on auto pilot failing to take note of his role in his own actions. Solutions had been given and therefore his dynamic problem solving abilities remained stagnant.
After modeling, practice, adjusting work load and figuring out what his unique processing time was, we put this mindset into practice. The goal was no longer for him move along, it was to see his wheels turning; to see him practice dynamic thinking. And think he did.
This change in mindset is big and it is hard to do. When we see someone struggling for a solution our mirror neurons (http://video.pbs.org/video/1615173073) fire rapidly. We literally feel them struggling and are pulled to relieve that tension by providing a solution. And then, seemingly overnight it becomes an automatic response. Before we know it we’re anticipating the problem and providing thesolution before the child even recognizes it. We become the solution managers instead of the opportunity givers, decreasing rather than increasing our child’s ability to function in the world. We wind up doing all the dynamic thinking work for our children who need the most practice at it.
We know that change in possible, and it starts with us, the guides providing an environment where dynamic thinking can thrive. Start by taking time to do… well, nothing. Slow down. Observe your child, you’re looking for their edge of competence and that’s a moving target. What I find most often is that folks are surprised by what problems their child can solve on their own. What competence building moments for our children!
Opportunities (problems) will start to arise. Shoes will be lost. Zippers will get stuck. Play ideas will make one person happy and not the other. Your turn will be skipped. As you slow down you’ll see your child resolve many of them leaving you an opportunity to spotlight their competence. Others will loom larger and you’ll see the solution and want to blurt it out immediately.
It’s in this moment that your child needs you to guide them. To scaffold, what you see so clearly. Clarify the “problem” for them; guide them in the right direction. You might have to do this more than once. That’s ok. What’s important is you leave that room, no matter how small, for your child to discover the solution. And who knows, it might be better than the one you had in mind! :)
“Spotlight the problem, not the solution.”
Child takes your turn while playing
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Give “the look” and smile
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It is taking longer than expected and you can see it on your child’s face
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“This is taking a loooong time!”
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Shoes are lost.
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“I forget where we found them last time.”
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There are 2 cookies and three people.
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“Hrmm, this is a problem.”
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Child looks hungry.
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“I think we skipped snack today.”
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Look forward to hearing your examples and experiences.
And here's the annoying yet very true disclaimer- each kiddo is unique- take the tools and adjust them for your particular needs. :)
Last week's Tool Box Tuesday: "How was school today?"
Monday, February 4, 2013
Tool Box Tuesday: How was school today?
"Fine."
"What did you do today?"
"Nothing."
You can write the script before you even ask the question... which begs the question... why ask it?
You're asking with the goal of connecting... and you're getting anything but... so let's change it up.
Einstein has a great quote- “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” How often we find ourselves in this situation!? So what can we do?
First let's examine our goal. Most frequently our goal is to connect, share experiences with our kiddo. We aren't actually looking for a detailed accounting of the day. We want to see the world through their eyes. We care about them and want to know what life was like today. What we recognize for our goal is very important because it dictates how we adjust ourselves and what we determine is success. With a goal in mind, we can start to think about what we can adjust to make it happen.
"How was school today?" "What did you do today?" Clearly not working. Let's examine why it might not be working. First know that even among neurotypical children- it's not a well liked or answered question. In thinking about why it's not working we need to ask ourselves - Is it developmentally appropriate? Can my kiddo typically answer such broad questions? These may sound simple- they're not. Often even the easiest of social scenarios is much more complex than meets the eye. To answer a question assumes that you're able to shift your internal focus to mine just by me talking to you. A huge feat!
We might also have to think about the timing. Sometimes it can make all the difference. Being asked right when the kiddo is picked up or jumps in the car, walks in the house can feel like a barrage more than a time to connect. So often less is more. Maybe one day you try not saying anything and see how your child naturally navigates the school -> home transition and when they seem fully transitioned from one activity to another.
So what would happen if we changed it up? What if instead of flat out asking, "How was school today?" We started a little more concrete. You might rifle through the backpack to find some piece of school work that was sent home, bring it to the child and say, "Wow!" or "Math facts again!?" "Pretty!" "You love spelling." Or you point to the big grass stain on the pants and say "Recess was messy!" By having something tangible to look at together we're bringing our goal of connection to a level our child can be successful. We're also tapping into their visual memory which might be stronger. It's much easier to remember something you can see than to brainstorm on the spot. Think of how much more you remember and can talk about when showing pictures of your vacation as opposed to just being asked cold, "What did you do on your vacation?"
In the same vein of providing a clearer map for the recall by using visual memory you might also try purposefully mis-guessing about the day. "It's Tuesday- you saw Ms. Smith." Especially if you know you're child knows that they only see Ms. Smith on Wednesdays. This again brings things down to the concrete level and now you've got a conversation starter. Chances are they might correct you.. and you've got an in.
Now you've got some true opportunities for novel connections instead of the same ol' same ol'. Not everything will go as planned- that's ok. Anything is better than hearing the dreaded... "fine."
And here's the annoying yet very true disclaimer- each kiddo is unique- take the tools and adjust them for your particular needs. :)
What timing- heard this a few days after posting this! "How to Tame a Testy Teenager" Very similar tool box ideas- how can we change our reaction to avoid the scripted power struggle.
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/02/11/171466505/how-parents-can-learn-to-tame-a-testy-teenager
Got a Question or Topic for Tool Bag Tuesday? Email rdimaui at gmail dot com.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Spotlight the Problem not the Solution Published on Forging New Pathways Blog!
If you haven't already bookmarked the blog you might consider it. The topics are varied and so interesting! :)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Quotable Sundays: Winnie The Pooh
“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”
- Winnie the Pooh
Ah the wise words of Winnie the Pooh. This quote reminded me of the profound patience and faith we use when we commit to using experience sharing/declarative communication. At the beginning oh how it can feel like you are talking to walls! As if there is fluff in your partners ears.
And then slowly and sometimes without warning those seeds that you've have planted with commenting and silence begin to bud.
It never ceases to amaze me. Declarative communication is powerful.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Fixed & Growth Mindsets
I've long been an avid reader of Carol Dweck's research. I see how nicely her ideas dovetail with remediation programs. It has certainly been my experience than a measurable shift takes place in an individual with autism's program when we begin to see that shift from a fixed to a growth mindset.
Some of my favorite research of hers has been on Praise and Motivation. The first article I read about this was here, The Power (and Peril) or Praising Your Kids. The following is a video that also summarizes the research (though I have to say, I like the article a better).
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