Toolbox Tuesday: School Introductions

How is it that summer can go from feeling so long and daunting to being almost gone?!  Teacher friends are already heading back to the classroom to begin putting the rooms together- and that means the start of school is just around the corner.

In today's Tool Box Tuesday- a creative way to introduce yourself and your family to your child's new or even re-introduce to an old team.  I wish I could remember who to give credit for for the idea- as it certainly isn't mine, but has been bouncing around in special education circles for as long as I can remember.

We know we all want the very best for our kids- and for the best to start day one, not week three.  One way to start on the best foot possible is to introduce your kiddo to your team... in a fun and creative way.  IEPs are filled with details and information, but no one would mistake them for a good fun read that gives you a personalized flavor of a child and family.

Consider writing a letter to child's team, from your child's point of view.  Depending on the current abilities of your child, they might also participate.  Fill the letter with important details about your child that someone who knew him/her would know and that would make your child feel more comfortable in their class and in their relationship with their new team.  Favorite color, food, memory.  Favorite things to talk about.  Sensory things to avoid or increase.  Signs that he/she is feeling really comfortable or distressed.  Communication strengths. Here is an example-

Dear Miss Smith,

My name is John.  I am really excited, and kind of nervous to be starting 1st grade.  I look forward to getting to know you - here is a little about me.

-My favorite color is green.  When given a choice, it's usually the color I pick and it makes me feel really good.  I color with green a lot.

-You'll know I'm feeling really happy and comfortable when my body is moving slow and my hands are calm.  If you see me start to move fast, it usually means I need a break.  A quick shoulder rub sometimes also helps.

-I really want to make you proud and work hard.  Sometimes I have trouble following when you talk.  If you write it down for me it makes it much easier for me to listen.  I also sometimes need a little extra time to process what you say.

I think this will be a great year and I can't wait to learn new things!
Sincerely,
John

It's a great do no harm strategy in that it can be really helpful, especially at creating a collaborative relationship, and it's also not going to harm anything.  While personalizing the letter about/with your child- do keep it to one page.

Next Tool Box Tuesday we'll chat about similar letters written from you, the parent.

The Power of "Me too"

"The two most powerful words when we are in struggle: “me too.”

-Brene Brown

With school now in swing for a few weeks now, for many the honeymoon period of excitement may have worn off.  Mornings that were filled with excitement can start to drag.  Anxiety can even set in the night before, asking if there is school tomorrow.. starting to talk about not wanting to go... or even just tossing and turning.  And the mornings can be filled with slow movement and digging heels into the very idea of going to school or doing anything to get ready to go.  Thinking can become entrenched in "Don't want to go" thinking negating every positive experience.

This can be a perplexing, frustrating and difficult time for parents, teachers and kids.  Especially so when pick up is met with, "Wait, can't I stay a little longer!"  In the absence of anything majorly negative happening at school there are lots of options to navigate these situations.

Often our first gut reaction is to make a rational argument and appeal to all the positive experiences.  "You like school.... You love Ms. Smith." Often met with the exact opposite response... "No I don't, I hate it."  further entrenching thinking in black and white negative thinking.

We then might try to appeal to the "You're a big kid" argument.  Or "All the other kids are lining up.."  "How old are you again?"  For some kids this may be motivating, however for many, this can be interpreted as "You're not good enough right now."  "You're not meeting my expectations."  And for the kids who interpret those phrases in this way, even though not the intention, they can be distressing and make them feel increased incompetence, which turns into more resistance.

Another powerful option is available.  "Me too".  Sometimes we forget that there is comfort in knowing other people feel the way we do, and by recognizing that people feel the way we do, we have better standing to offer options and different ways to think about a situation.  "Me too" opens the doors and takes the pressure off any action.

Kiddo: "I don't want to go to school."
Parent: "Me too.  Sometimes I feel the same way.  That I don't want to do anything."
Silence
Parent: "I remember when I didn't want to go to school.  My mommy put a note in my lunch box.  It made going a little easier."
Silence
Parent: "I wonder if there is something I can put in your lunch box...."

Solutions and ideas might not be found that day and that's ok.  By joining in on the discomfort a foundation is being set for collaboration and acceptance for what the kiddo is currently feeling.

For kiddos who struggle putting their feelings into words, drawing emotions and giving them the words ("Your face tells me you are sad.") can help move understanding forward.