Toolbox Tuesday: School Introductions

How is it that summer can go from feeling so long and daunting to being almost gone?!  Teacher friends are already heading back to the classroom to begin putting the rooms together- and that means the start of school is just around the corner.

In today's Tool Box Tuesday- a creative way to introduce yourself and your family to your child's new or even re-introduce to an old team.  I wish I could remember who to give credit for for the idea- as it certainly isn't mine, but has been bouncing around in special education circles for as long as I can remember.

We know we all want the very best for our kids- and for the best to start day one, not week three.  One way to start on the best foot possible is to introduce your kiddo to your team... in a fun and creative way.  IEPs are filled with details and information, but no one would mistake them for a good fun read that gives you a personalized flavor of a child and family.

Consider writing a letter to child's team, from your child's point of view.  Depending on the current abilities of your child, they might also participate.  Fill the letter with important details about your child that someone who knew him/her would know and that would make your child feel more comfortable in their class and in their relationship with their new team.  Favorite color, food, memory.  Favorite things to talk about.  Sensory things to avoid or increase.  Signs that he/she is feeling really comfortable or distressed.  Communication strengths. Here is an example-

Dear Miss Smith,

My name is John.  I am really excited, and kind of nervous to be starting 1st grade.  I look forward to getting to know you - here is a little about me.

-My favorite color is green.  When given a choice, it's usually the color I pick and it makes me feel really good.  I color with green a lot.

-You'll know I'm feeling really happy and comfortable when my body is moving slow and my hands are calm.  If you see me start to move fast, it usually means I need a break.  A quick shoulder rub sometimes also helps.

-I really want to make you proud and work hard.  Sometimes I have trouble following when you talk.  If you write it down for me it makes it much easier for me to listen.  I also sometimes need a little extra time to process what you say.

I think this will be a great year and I can't wait to learn new things!
Sincerely,
John

It's a great do no harm strategy in that it can be really helpful, especially at creating a collaborative relationship, and it's also not going to harm anything.  While personalizing the letter about/with your child- do keep it to one page.

Next Tool Box Tuesday we'll chat about similar letters written from you, the parent.

ToolBox Tuesday: The Always/Never Rule

Aloha,

After a Monday holiday Tuesday never feels quite right.  It dons too much of a Monday mentality.  So for this Toolbox Tuesday I'm bringing back an oldie but a goodie from 2013 that is a bit of an extension of last week's Kids Do Well If They Can.

So without further ado... the Always/Never Rule

"How could he not know it?!  We do it every single day!  It's always the same."

And there in lies the clue.  Always.

"It doesn't seem to matter, he never does it."

Ah, another clue.  Never.

These situations of absolutes- always... never... tell us that we are operating above our child's competence.  Kids (and adults) do well if they can.  So if a child is never or always doing something in a situation... it means they're not there yet to meet our expectation.  And that's ok.  We can change and bring them up to it.

And this is important, because while failure can be a motivator for success... too much failure is a recipe for incompetence and a motivation depressant.  And kids are very perceptive.  They recognize when they are not meeting expectation.

So what can we do?  We can close the gap.

Sometimes closing the gap means nixing what we're asking/expecting... for now.  Sometimes it means changing the environment or how we ask so that your child can experience success.

Here are a few examples-

     Never comes or responds when spoken to from a different room.  

What can we change?  Where we ask from!  No sense in continuing to ask for a response from a different room when he never responds.  Not only can it be very frustrating to the adult, it's also a failed scenario for the child.  Find the distance... and modality that the child can be successful from.  Start there and then begin moving farther away.

   Always has difficulty following his night time routine.

What can we change?  How much responsibility the child has for the routine.  What's needed from us for the child to start having more successes?  A visual check list?  Us to sing a song during the routine? A change of routine?

As the ratio begins to change at the child has more successes you can increase the complexity and expectations and build upon those successes.  It's a win win for everyone.

What are the Always/Never scenarios in your home?  What could be changed so that everyone could have more success?

Got a Question or Topic for Tool Box Tuesday?  Email rdimaui at gmail dot com.


And here's the annoying yet very true disclaimer- each kiddo is unique- take the tools and adjust them for your particular needs. :)

Toolbox Tuesday: Foundations for Understanding Behavior

I had the great pleasure of chatting with an old colleague of mine yesterday and we spent some time talking about all our oldies but goodies.  The resources, research and perspectives that never go out of style.   The perspectives that provide an overarching guide no matter what your focus.  As you dive into autism interventions you will find such a variety.  No matter the path that works best for your family, the foundational perspectives that guide you have a profound effect on everyone involved.

Over the next few Tool Box Tuesdays, I will be spotlighting the foundational perspectives that my work is rooted in.  When I pause to consider what the theme is that runs through them all I see a theme of respect of the individual.  And one might think, well gosh, that must be a theme that runs through all foundations.  But in my experience consulting with a wide variety of teams, this is not always the case.  Respect for the individual begins always with the social work motto of "starting where the person is" and grows from there with learning who the person is, who the person wants to be.  Recognizing their strengths and recognizing their right to a developmentally based approach tailored to their unique needs.

And so I've digressed from what I consider one of the foundations to understanding behavior:  Kids do well if they can- a motto - and then entire philosophy coined by Dr. Ross Greene.  Give the clip a look see below, then we'll discuss a little bit more how this plays out as a foundation.

Alright, "Kids do well if they can" fundamentally different from the foundation of "Kids do well if they wanna".  Let's first consider the extremely different roles these two philosophies put us, the adults in.  As he says, from a Kids do well if they wanna perspective I'm left with the increased motivation role and explaining the behaviors from a "testing limits", oppositional standpoint.  Let's take a moment to consider how this makes us feel.  As parents, we've all fallen into the kids do well if they wanna perspective and been left feeling like, "wooo, they are just trying to push my buttons today!".  Chances are with that narrative our own level of stress is going to rise and in turn this will impact our response repertoire by limiting it.  No matter your parenting philosophy we can never do our best when we feel stressed and targeted.

Kids do well if they can changes the narrative to exploring- what's going wrong here?  What skill is missing?  What problem is unsolved?  Checking in with how well the child slept last night, when the last time they ate was and if they are sick or sensorily dysregulated.  It shifts the focus from the personal to the environment and things you can actually do something about.  Stress lowers and your repertoire of responses broadens.

Richard Lavoie's FAT City dovetails so nicely with this approach.  If you haven't seen it, although the hairstyles are a bit dated, I can't recommend it enough.  I wrote a bit about it here:  http://guidingfamilies.blogspot.com/2013/03/tuesday-tool-box-support.html

Until next week,

Lauren

Have a topic you'd like me to cover?  Just ask. :)

*Dr. Greene has many other wonderful clips that more fully flesh out these ideas, and the Collaborative Problem Solving Approach which I highly recommend http://www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents.  

His list of "Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems" can be quite eye opening as well http://www.livesinthebalance.org/paperwork*

Tool Box Tuesday: Communication in Context

I'm sure you've seen this video clip before.  It's been viewed over 134 million times on youtube since it was posted a few years ago.  I imagine many of those are from fellow professionals who work with children with social communication disorders and their parents.  We watch in awe because when you're in the thick of working through a social communication disorder it can be easy to forget or misunderstand, misremember what typical communication looks like and so important the order in which is grows.

In this clip we do not hear a single word.  Not one.  And yet a two minute shared conversation is taking place with no script.  We see clearly the foundations of communication with words - and without the foundations solidly in place, the words mean little.  Words without this foundation are out of context.

Consider the word, just the word, stop.  What does it mean?  Our first thought might be "cease something".  But is this always the case?  Grab a partner and say the word 'stop' in different ways, with different facial expressions.  Each time you do - you are providing context.  How does this shape the meaning of the word?

The first word any neurotypical child may say varies - however somewhere in that first 5-10 is often the word "uh-oh".  After all as parents we're saying it constantly as things go flying off the highchair tray and items are dumped out and dropped.  We're always saying it in context and with meaning to connect as well as explain.  Without any direct instruction infants/early toddlers begin using it in context, using it with prosody, and using it for the same reason - with meaning and to connect as well as explain to a communication partner.

This week consider how much shared communication is in the context of communication foundations that provide the stage for the meaning and use of words.  Add context by putting words in the background and bringing context - facial expressions, prosody, body language to the forefront.

Until next week,
Lauren

Tool Box Tuesday: Dusting this ole' blog off!

Aloha,

I always aspire to write more frequently as families ask so many wonderful questions and although it sometimes feels like you're walking alone - often so many of the same questions.  Lots of questions revolve around communication and speech.  I recently came across this video clip of some recent research on how the brain processes and organizes words and it re-reminded me of how important it is to know, recognize and be humbled by how humans learn to communicate.

What this clip and their research remind us is that we learn words... speech... communication in context.  In dynamic situations that are flexible in their understanding of words.  Words are not learned in isolation.  In fact, can you imagine the time it would take to learn all the different ways to map and connect the word house?  brother?  It's almost impossible to imagine.  And as time was given to discretely learning every word - what other experiences would be missed?

As we get ready to fill lots of space during the summer weeks - find times to embed words in the contexts of their experiences.  I will be writing on that topic next Tuesday.  Have a topic you'd like covered?  Let me know.

Best,
Lauren

The Power of Being in Process

The Power of "Me too"

"The two most powerful words when we are in struggle: “me too.”

-Brene Brown

With school now in swing for a few weeks now, for many the honeymoon period of excitement may have worn off.  Mornings that were filled with excitement can start to drag.  Anxiety can even set in the night before, asking if there is school tomorrow.. starting to talk about not wanting to go... or even just tossing and turning.  And the mornings can be filled with slow movement and digging heels into the very idea of going to school or doing anything to get ready to go.  Thinking can become entrenched in "Don't want to go" thinking negating every positive experience.

This can be a perplexing, frustrating and difficult time for parents, teachers and kids.  Especially so when pick up is met with, "Wait, can't I stay a little longer!"  In the absence of anything majorly negative happening at school there are lots of options to navigate these situations.

Often our first gut reaction is to make a rational argument and appeal to all the positive experiences.  "You like school.... You love Ms. Smith." Often met with the exact opposite response... "No I don't, I hate it."  further entrenching thinking in black and white negative thinking.

We then might try to appeal to the "You're a big kid" argument.  Or "All the other kids are lining up.."  "How old are you again?"  For some kids this may be motivating, however for many, this can be interpreted as "You're not good enough right now."  "You're not meeting my expectations."  And for the kids who interpret those phrases in this way, even though not the intention, they can be distressing and make them feel increased incompetence, which turns into more resistance.

Another powerful option is available.  "Me too".  Sometimes we forget that there is comfort in knowing other people feel the way we do, and by recognizing that people feel the way we do, we have better standing to offer options and different ways to think about a situation.  "Me too" opens the doors and takes the pressure off any action.

Kiddo: "I don't want to go to school."
Parent: "Me too.  Sometimes I feel the same way.  That I don't want to do anything."
Silence
Parent: "I remember when I didn't want to go to school.  My mommy put a note in my lunch box.  It made going a little easier."
Silence
Parent: "I wonder if there is something I can put in your lunch box...."

Solutions and ideas might not be found that day and that's ok.  By joining in on the discomfort a foundation is being set for collaboration and acceptance for what the kiddo is currently feeling.

For kiddos who struggle putting their feelings into words, drawing emotions and giving them the words ("Your face tells me you are sad.") can help move understanding forward.

Preparing for Hurricane Iselle and Individuals with Autism

I hope this finds everyone doing well.  Hopefully all of our preparations are for not and we enjoy a "normal"ish storm.  However, just in case it's good to be prepared with all the standard preparations as well as extra special care and preparations for kiddos on the spectrum and other conditions.

Depending on what has been successful in the past and the cognitive abilities of your child you may consider including your child in many areas of planning and preparing.

All of these strategies will need modifications to the unique strengths and areas of growth of your child(ren) and some may or may not be appropriate.

Get to know your safe area
   -In a calm and fun manner, practice sitting in the safe area in your house.  You might problem solve together what items might make the time more enjoyable- perhaps a favorite stuffed animal or toy.

Life without electricity
   -In this day and age we all need to prepare for what it's like without our favorite "i" device.  Depending on your child it might be helpful to either explain and make a plan B for when batteries run out or to put together a box of novel items (wrapping them is sometimes fun as it takes up more time and can be exciting) that can be used to keep things fun and redirect when needed from any loud noises or disturbances

Future Think
  -Explain (verbal or visually or both) some things that might happen- loud noises, windy, lots of rain etc AND the most important part all the choices available to the individual.  This might be nice to do in a personalized social story.

Sometimes loud noises scare me.
     I can... give mom/dad a hug, wear my ear plugs, squeeze my stuffed animal etc.

I usually go to school on Thursdays.  Thursday there will not be school.  The school is closed.
    I will be at home.  At home I can X, Y, Z

These can be written and kept out as visual reminders.

Keep it Visual
It's hard for all of us to remember the choices we have when we are stressed and scared.  The more stressed and scared we feel the less access we have to the more complex areas of our brain.  Being able to see our choices, schedule, what is expected etc. can help.  It takes a layer of "work" off our plates.

Keep a notepad or dry erase board to write down (with words or pictures) expectations, schedules or choices.

Wishing everyone a very safe end of the week and weekend.  All crossables are crossed that Miss Iselle and Mr. Julio are very kind over the next few days!

I will add resources as I come across them- and please also share resources that you have found helpful.
Best,
Lauren

Other resources
Hawaii State Civil Defense: Special Needs Information
http://www.scd.hawaii.gov/sp_needs.html

FEMA: Preparing for a Disaster with Individuals with Special Needs
https://s3-us-gov-west-1.amazonaws.com/dam-production/uploads/20130726-1445-20490-6732/fema_476.pdf

The Puzzle of Motivation

I ran across this video about motivation.  While the speaker is relating much of the work to business - I found myself relating it quite a bit to the field of autism and education in general.  He shares some very interesting research on the myth of the "carrot" helping to motivate.  What he finds is that if there is only one right, simple answer, having a big "carrot" or "skittle" will sure help the person do the task quicker.  However, if it is a dynamic problem that requires some creative thinking (think ALL social interactions and interpersonal problem solving) having a "carrot" actually decreases creativity and problem solving- because it narrows thinking and robs the individual of seeing the big picture.

As I watched it was yet another validation that the work we do in RDI- so focused on the process of thinking, not the product continues to be on the right track and bore out in research across so many fields.

Best,

Lauren

Tool Box Tuesday: They'll repeat it- Part 1

Kids will repeat what they hear.  Many parents can share with blushing cheeks the first time their innocent sweet little toddler shouted *$&# in ear shot of the most unsuspecting stranger.

So if we know this, we might consider telling them things that are useful.  You are what you eat- you also believe and can turn out to be what you hear.

Consider the phrase "good job".  Oy, if I had a dollar for every time I've uttered it... and for the times students in turn told me, or themselves "Good job".  It's one of those useless phrases that really doesn't help a child identify what is going on that is allowing them to be successful and "earning" them that "good job".  It also doesn't really help them think about what is going on... or what to do next time.

Now consider these phrases...
"Wow- you're trying so hard to get that lace through."
              "You chose so many different colors."
                         "Yeah, you really like choosing the red one."
                                    "That must be your favorite."
                                             "It's so much easier when you do it like that."
                                                       "Well that worked much better!"
                                                                  "You never gave up."
                                                                           "You stuck to it."

If we know children repeat and internalize what we say, aren't be getting much more bang for our buck if what we are saying is something we'd like them to internalize, would like them to repeat to themselves and own?

Next week we'll do Part 2! Thinking more about how we can give kids opportunities to "borrow our brain" and decision making.

Kids do Well if They Can...

As a follow up the Always Never/Rule, it's great to refresh some of the ideas of Ross Greene...



Here he discusses the philosophy that we act from.  Do we see children as "Kids do well if they wanna?" or "Kids do well if they can?" It's quite a paradigm shift from what is popular.